This might look like a really yummy salad (and it is), but it’s more than that.
 
This is one of the ways I care for myself. Maybe it’s because I’m a foodie, but I don’t think I’ve ever missed a lunch by accident :) I often reserve a serving of leftovers before feeding my family to ensure I have something for lunch the next day. It doesn’t have to be a formal meal – sometimes it could be a cheese stick with hummus and veggies or whatever I can find in the fridge (I’m not too old for PB&J) . . . the point is, I feed myself good food. It’s one of the ways I practice self-care.
 
I love hanging out with moms—I’ve spent the last fifteen years writing and speaking to them—and one thing I consistently see and hear is how hard it is for many of them to get a handle on self-care. Too many moms are serving up lunches and dinners for their families but not sitting down at the table. They’re grabbing a few bites of food over the kitchen sink as they clean up the dishes, but not taking the time to slow down and eat a real meal. They are going non-stop, doing everything for everyone, and most of them feel like they are trying their best . . . and it’s never good enough.
 
I recently asked ChatGPT, What is the opposite of self-care?

The opposite of self-care is often referred to as:

1. Self-neglect
This is the most direct opposite. It means consistently ignoring your physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual needs. Examples:

• Not getting enough sleep, nutrition, or medical care
• Ignoring emotional distress
• Overworking without rest or boundaries
• Letting responsibilities or hygiene deteriorate

2. Self-harm (in extreme cases)
This refers to actions that intentionally damage your well-being—physically, emotionally, or mentally. It includes things like substance abuse, negative self-talk, or engaging in dangerous behaviors.

3. Self-abandonment
This is more internal and relational. It involves ignoring your own feelings, needs, and boundaries—often to please others or out of fear or shame. Examples:

• Prioritizing everyone else at your own expense
• Denying or minimizing your emotions
• Avoiding self-reflection or growth

In short:

• Self-care = honoring your needs and tending to yourself with kindness and responsibility.
• Opposites = self-neglect, self-harm, or self-abandonment, depending on the context and severity.

Wow. This is worth pondering. How often do we (sometimes unknowingly) participate in self-neglect, self-harm, and self-abandonment? See if any of these resonate with you:

• Saying yes to every request even though it leaves zero margin in your days
• Consistently living outside of your means (energy, finances, time, capacity)
• Turning to things or substances to cope or numb-out
• Negative self-talk – telling yourself unkind things you would never say to a friend
• Saying no to something that is important to you because it may inconvenience others and you feel guilty doing something for yourself
• Ignoring (stuffing) your feelings
• Avoiding personal growth work
• Not asking for help with big things and little things (like the tasks of everyday life)
• Neglecting proper nutrition and sleep requirements
• Over-functioning for others (doing for them what they should be doing for themselves)
• Allowing others to mistreat you; not setting healthy boundaries
• Ignoring physical symptoms (your body may be trying to tell you something)

 
The more we operate from this place of self/soul neglect, the more it becomes normalized to the point that if we do try to change or address any of these areas, it can feel like we are being selfish. The problem with this is that nurture is a need—a God-given one—and our souls will seek to meet this need in unhealthy ways if we do not choose healthy ones.
 
Through the night my soul longs for you. Deep from within me my spirit reaches out to you (Isaiah 26:9 MSG).
 
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God (Psalm 42:1).
 
Going back to that imagery of grabbing a few forkfuls of food on the go—if I’m honest, that’s me. I can feed myself a good salad for lunch, but when it comes to tending to my mental/emotional/spiritual health and feeding myself good “soul” food, too often I go for what’s convenient. The processed, artificial, cheap substitutes that temporarily fill but do not satisfy my true hunger.
 
You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water (Psalm 63:1).
 
I stretch out my hands to You; my soul thirsts for You like a parched land (Psalm 143:6).
 
Do you find yourself in any of these places as well?

• Choosing scrolling over real-life connection.

 

• Filling up on mental junk food instead of soul-nourishing content.

 

• Comparison with others which leads to feeling less than or better than, instead of being content with who we are and what God has provided for us right here, right now.

 

• Hiding our wounds instead of seeking healing for them.

 

• Ignoring the gentle promptings to slow down, and then the warning bells when our bodies start to signal distress in various ways.

​
We forget to breathe—literally—and receive what we need from our God who created us with these needs.
 
Jesus modeled good self-care, at times withdrawing from the crowds to pray. He ate. He took naps. He practiced healthy boundaries. Sometimes people misunderstood him. His own family criticized him. One time, when Jesus was with his disciples in a boat, he slept through a violent storm! His disciples were terrified and woke him, saying, “Don’t you care that we are going to drown?” Jesus cared deeply for his friends. And . . . he was really, really tired.
 
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled (Matthew 5:6).
 
Lately, I’m trying to practice healthy, intentional body/mind/soul care, and it can look different depending on the day. It could be:
 
Going for a walk
 
Sitting on the porch
 
Saying no to one-too-many activities (even good ones)
 
Saying yes to something that is soul-nurturing, even though it is not easy or convenient
 
Picking up a call
 
Declining a call
 
Taking time to encourage a friend
 
Allowing a friend to encourage me
 
Serving someone in need
 
Asking for help when I’m the one in need
 
Taking time to receive all that I need from my Good Shepherd
 
Running an errand with my husband
 
Staying home for a few moments of solitude
 
Choosing to scale back on the “extra” (I don’t always need to hit it out of the park)
 
Allowing myself the satisfaction of doing something “just right”
 
Being kind to myself when I look in the mirror
 
Being honest with myself about changes I want to make
 
Saying yes without feeling guilty
 
Saying no without feeling guilty
 
Setting boundaries in relationships that protect me from the destructive behaviors of others
 
Forgiving, loving, and praying for those who have hurt me
 
Having a structured time of prayer and Scripture reading
 
Connecting with God all throughout my day
 
Saying no to ice cream after dinner
 
Saying yes to ice cream after dinner
 
 
I hope you are starting to see a couple of things about self/soul care:

• It looks different from day to day
• It is not a one-size-fits-all formula
• It is less about indulgence and more about awareness
• Nurture is a God-given need
• Tending to the health of our bodies/minds/souls is good stewardship
• Self-assessment is a prerequisite to good self-care

 

Imagine for a moment that you knew someone was a liar - that every word that came out of their mouth was a lie. Other people knew it, and you yourself had personal experience - first hand knowledge - that this was in fact true about this person, 

Now imagine that this person hated you, had only evil intentions towards you, wanted to steal your freedom, and destroy you in every way.

Would you listen to them? Would you give them your time and attention? Would you allow their words (which make you feel anxious, defeated, ashamed, unloved etc . . . ) to live "rent free," as we like to say, in your brain? Would you make space in your inner world for their twisted, distorted narrative?

I do this more than I care to admit. 

Listen to what Jesus says about the devil in John 8:44:
He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."

And in Luke 10:10:
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Tomorrow I'm heading to the Speak Up conference in Grand Rapids, MI. For the first time, I'm teaching a breakout session, and I am thrilled for the opportunity. And . . . as I've been preparing for this for the last several months, including recording my message on video for those attending virtually, I have entertained the father of lies more than once:

When imposter syndrome has reared its ugly head, telling me, "You don't belong here. Who are you to be teaching at a writers/speakers conference?"

When anxiety kicked in as I entertained the possibility and imagined how dumb I would feel if no one even comes to my workshop. 

Or first thing this morning, when rather than thinking about the conference, I was hit with an onslaught of negative thoughts about relationships and loved ones I have no control over, Thoughts that produce guilt, anxiety about the future, disappointment, confusion, condemnation, shame, hurt . . . 

It took me a few minutes to ask the oh-so-important question, "Whose voice am I listening to?" As I'm preparing for this event, as I"m living each day, doing my best to love God and those in my life, is God really the one whispering these thoughts in my ear, in my mind, in my heart?

No. I can't imagine God sitting across from me while I'm having my morning cup of coffee saying these things. This has become my litmus test. To be clear, sometimes he says things that aren't easy to hear. Sometimes he corrects, shines a light on an area that needs attention, exposes areas where I need to grow, convicts me of something I've done wrong. But the undertone and the overtone is always love, not shame. It's hope-inducing, not defeating. It is correction without condemnation. When I've missed the mark, his words include a clear next step - a way forward. His words lead to peace, not anxiety. Grace, not judgement.

I'm getting better at interrupting the narrative, as my counselor puts it, and recognizing this pattern earlier in the process. It takes time and intention to change mental habits, disordered desires, negative thoughts, and unhealthy neural pathways that have been formed by decades of distorted thinking. 

This is not easy, but it is possible. And it would be a mistake to think that this process is entirely psychological, merely a mental challenge. Yes, we have to do the work of taking our thoughts captive, of analyzing what we are thinking and believing and accepting as true, but we can't do it in our own strength..
​
2 Corinthians 10:5: We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

There is a spiritual component to this work - some may even say it is the root of our "stinking thinking" - that we approach with the help of the Holy Spirit. After all, this is part of the Spirit's job - his work in us, as Jesus explained to his disciples in John 16:13:

"But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth."

Let's not miss this point: the devil is a liar; the Spirt of truth guides us into all truth. 

The Spirit helps us recognize when we are believing lies, when we are jumping to conclusions and making assumptions, when we are writing a story in our heads that is not true, when we are accepting as fact untruths born in darkness that are intended to wound us, erode our sense of belovedness, and cause anxiety and unrest. 

As is true in other areas of Christian living, our degree of freedom directly correlates to our degree of surrender. Greater yieldedness brings greater liberty. 

So let me ask you - whose voice are you listening to today? Are you allowing the enemy of your heart, mind, and soul to speak his native language and steal your peace? What lie do you need to confront - what thought do you need to take captive today?

Here are some resources and practices that I've found to be helpful, and I pray you will too:

• Write out your negative thoughts. Get them on paper so you can see them, examine them, and rewrite them into truths

• Identifying common cognitive distortions:

https://ctrinstitute.com/resources/identifying-cognitive-distortions/

• Helpful Scriptures:

2 Corinthians 10:5

Philippians 4:8

Philippians 4:6-7

Romans 8:34

Romans 8:35-39
​



 

​