 This might look like a really yummy salad (and it is), but it’s more than that. This is one of the ways I care for myself. Maybe it’s because I’m a foodie, but I don’t think I’ve ever missed a lunch by accident :) I often reserve a serving of leftovers before feeding my family to ensure I have something for lunch the next day. It doesn’t have to be a formal meal – sometimes it could be a cheese stick with hummus and veggies or whatever I can find in the fridge (I’m not too old for PB&J) . . . the point is, I feed myself good food. It’s one of the ways I practice self-care. I love hanging out with moms—I’ve spent the last fifteen years writing and speaking to them—and one thing I consistently see and hear is how hard it is for many of them to get a handle on self-care. Too many moms are serving up lunches and dinners for their families but not sitting down at the table. They’re grabbing a few bites of food over the kitchen sink as they clean up the dishes, but not taking the time to slow down and eat a real meal. They are going non-stop, doing everything for everyone, and most of them feel like they are trying their best . . . and it’s never good enough. I recently asked ChatGPT, What is the opposite of self-care? The opposite of self-care is often referred to as: 1. Self-neglect This is the most direct opposite. It means consistently ignoring your physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual needs. Examples:
2. Self-harm (in extreme cases) This refers to actions that intentionally damage your well-being—physically, emotionally, or mentally. It includes things like substance abuse, negative self-talk, or engaging in dangerous behaviors. 3. Self-abandonment This is more internal and relational. It involves ignoring your own feelings, needs, and boundaries—often to please others or out of fear or shame. Examples:
In short:
Wow. This is worth pondering. How often do we (sometimes unknowingly) participate in self-neglect, self-harm, and self-abandonment? See if any of these resonate with you:
The more we operate from this place of self/soul neglect, the more it becomes normalized to the point that if we do try to change or address any of these areas, it can feel like we are being selfish. The problem with this is that nurture is a need—a God-given one—and our souls will seek to meet this need in unhealthy ways if we do not choose healthy ones. Through the night my soul longs for you. Deep from within me my spirit reaches out to you (Isaiah 26:9 MSG). As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God (Psalm 42:1). Going back to that imagery of grabbing a few forkfuls of food on the go—if I’m honest, that’s me. I can feed myself a good salad for lunch, but when it comes to tending to my mental/emotional/spiritual health and feeding myself good “soul” food, too often I go for what’s convenient. The processed, artificial, cheap substitutes that temporarily fill but do not satisfy my true hunger. You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water (Psalm 63:1). I stretch out my hands to You; my soul thirsts for You like a parched land (Psalm 143:6). Do you find yourself in any of these places as well?
We forget to breathe—literally—and receive what we need from our God who created us with these needs. Jesus modeled good self-care, at times withdrawing from the crowds to pray. He ate. He took naps. He practiced healthy boundaries. Sometimes people misunderstood him. His own family criticized him. One time, when Jesus was with his disciples in a boat, he slept through a violent storm! His disciples were terrified and woke him, saying, “Don’t you care that we are going to drown?” Jesus cared deeply for his friends. And . . . he was really, really tired. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled (Matthew 5:6). Lately, I’m trying to practice healthy, intentional body/mind/soul care, and it can look different depending on the day. It could be: Going for a walk Sitting on the porch Saying no to one-too-many activities (even good ones) Saying yes to something that is soul-nurturing, even though it is not easy or convenient Picking up a call Declining a call Taking time to encourage a friend Allowing a friend to encourage me Serving someone in need Asking for help when I’m the one in need Taking time to receive all that I need from my Good Shepherd Running an errand with my husband Staying home for a few moments of solitude Choosing to scale back on the “extra” (I don’t always need to hit it out of the park) Allowing myself the satisfaction of doing something “just right” Being kind to myself when I look in the mirror Being honest with myself about changes I want to make Saying yes without feeling guilty Saying no without feeling guilty Setting boundaries in relationships that protect me from the destructive behaviors of others Forgiving, loving, and praying for those who have hurt me Having a structured time of prayer and Scripture reading Connecting with God all throughout my day Saying no to ice cream after dinner Saying yes to ice cream after dinner I hope you are starting to see a couple of things about self/soul care:
 Two Cups of Coffee
My beautiful Aunt Carol, who is well into her eighties, has started her mornings the same way for many, many years—with two cups of coffee. Yes, it’s fuel for her body and wakes up her brain, but it’s more than that. She explains: “The first cup, I talk to Jesus. I tell him what’s on my mind and heart. I pray for those who need prayer. Then, the second cup, I listen to him. I read my devotional, a passage of Scripture, or simply sit in silence and listen to what he might want to say to me.” We tend to complicate the “quiet-time” experience, but this is really what it’s about. It’s about relationship—bringing our whole selves to God in prayer and worship and in our neediness. Not because it’s one more thing to check off our to-do list. Not because we feel guilty if we don’t. Not because we “should” or “ought to.” But because He loves us better than anyone ever could. Because he knows everything about us and understands us completely. Because he alone has everything our souls are craving. He is the only one who can truly satisfy us with the love, joy, peace, security, healing, and comfort we so desperately need. Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again. But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a fount of water springing up to eternal life (John 4:13-14).” I hope you eat some good food today. I hope you move your body, engage your mind, and rest well when you lay your head on your pillow. And I pray you are encouraged to feed your soul, too. To tend to the garden of your heart, to take care of the beautiful life God has created in you, entrusted to you. Some questions to consider: 1.How are you caring for yourself in these areas: body, mind, spirit? 2.Are feelings of guilt preventing you from tending to these various areas, and if so, can you identify and correct the specific thoughts that lead to those feelings of guilt? 3.Where do you sense God might be nudging you to take better care of yourself, to nurture the precious life he has given you? Comments are closed.
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