Sharing the Summer with Your Teen

I'm delighted to share a guest post this week from my friend, Letitia Suk, author of 100 Need-to-Know Tips for Moms of Tweens and Teens

Summer! Is there another season so full of opportunity and possibilities? 

When your kids were little, you planned the agenda and they tagged along, happy in general with whatever you planned. Not so much with teens! Before giving up and letting them make their own summer memories, here are a few ideas to try!

1. Plan some fun for the two of you. The key is to plan something that they want to do! The best way to find out what would be fun for them is to ask them. Rather than do the inviting in person, try an email or a note along the lines of "Hey, I would love to hang out with you for an afternoon or evening. Give me a few ideas of what sounds like fun to do and when you're free" is a good way to start the ball rolling. Another approach is to make a list of ideas, include some sure wins like eating and shopping and ask your teen (by email or talk) to choose a couple things that look like fun.​
2. Learn something new together. Trying new recipes is fun especially if it is themed like “international night,” “pie of the week,” etc. Gardening can work for a shared project if you plan the crop together. How about growing ingredients for homemade salsa?  Research on the family tree or the history of your house are also fun learning projects. How about using an app like Duo Lingo to learn a few conversational phrases together of another language? Try to avoid a hard sell but present the idea in an enthusiastic way and see if they jump in.
3. Spend more time with their friends. This doesn’t mean you hang out with them but try including a few friends in your family meals or events especially outdoor barbecues or pizza night.  Invite a pal to come along to an event such as an outdoor concert or play When they are around, be sure and engage and get to know them. You may find that your teen converses more too when a friend is present. I am still in touch with some of my former teen’s friends from high school days and cherish those relationships.
4. Plan a Road Trip. Even just a short day trip can work. Is there a place you have wanted to check out? A possible college town? Nearby resort community? Something about the farther away from home they are, the more they talk! On a family road trip, “Are we there yet?” will often be replaced by silence as your teen listens to music, text messages their friends or sleeps. Don't take it personally. Respect their need for down time amid a lot of family togetherness and know you'll benefit from that as well. To ensure more interaction, have them drive!
5. Make a Big Deal out of the LaunchSince Day 1, letting them go has been on your parenting agenda even if you ignored it. Good thing you’ve got all senior year to prepare because ready or not, here it comes.

            How can you make the last summer after high school memorable and send them off                  with a bangDisplay confidence all summer that they will succeed.

• Let this be their moment about starting an adventure, not about you falling apart.
• Involve them in planning special events such as a party or dinner to celebrate.
• Create a special send-off ritual or gift such as giving a blessing, writing them a letter, presenting a collection of photos.
• Expect some additional conflict, as it is often easier to leave when you feel irritated ☹

P.S. Plan for the hot issues for the summer Summer brings more unstructured time. Decide how you will set curfew, bedtime, wake up time etc. Does your teen have a summer job? Who is responsible for waking them up? Transportation? What about allowance? Summer chores? Participation in family activities in another item to think about. Always? Sometimes? Thinking about these issues in advance can save a lot of angst. Better yet, involve your teen in the discussions.
 
By Labor Day hopefully you have a camera full of photos and a heart stuffed with memories. Lighten up, loosen up but hang on to your vision for the best lifetime relationship you can imagine with your teen!
(Adapted from “100 Need to Know Tips for Moms of Tweens and Teens.”)
 
- Letitia (Tish) Suk, www.letitiasuk.com, invites women to create an intentional life. She is the author of 100 Need-to-Know Tips for Moms of Tweens and Teens, Getaway with God: The Everywoman’s Guide to Personal Retreat, and Rhythms of Renewal and blogs at Hopeforthebest.org. She is a speaker, personal retreat guide, and life coach in the Chicago area.